


Return of the Bug

by Evelyn_fireheart



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Identity Reveal, Kwami Swap, LadyNoir - Freeform, Ladybug Has a Crush on Chat Noir, Marichat, Multi, Oblivious Adrien Agreste, Original Kwamis, adrienette - Freeform, aged up AU, ladrien
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-10-01
Updated: 2018-11-10
Packaged: 2019-07-18 19:25:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 7
Words: 19,662
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16125110
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Evelyn_fireheart/pseuds/Evelyn_fireheart
Summary: Marinette Dupain-Cheng swore to herself that she would give up everything to reach her dreams, if only so when she was old and grey she could say with pride that she hadn't given up. She didn't let herself think about the fact that, in following her dreams all the way to the New York; she was deserting everything else. Everyone else.Including Chat Noir.Nevertheless, she leaves without turning back and, when she returns four years later, she's... different. Still petite, artistic and cheerful, but she has grown somehow. Lost that sense of childlike wonder in hopes of wisdom and charisma and grown into the confidence and intelligence that was destined to be hers since she first donned those earrings, whether she gave them up or not.The tight-knit group she left behind had collapsed without her glueing them together, but when they meet her again, will they recognise the woman that stands before them? Will Adrien?Will Chat Noir be able to recognise his fiery partner now that the nerves have been stripped away?





	1. Guilt

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first fan-fic ever so I apologise for any inconsistencies or plot holes! Enjoy the ride Miraculeurs!!

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette comes to terms with her decisions, Alya finds out, and the milkshakes are sacrificed.

 

Marinette was... slightly nervous to say the least. She was just folding the last of her clothes before she left to meet the others and she was shaking.

Tikki was being as adorably helpful as always, tiding up her room and calling out gentle reassurances, but Marinette couldn't help but think that Tikki was more sad than she let on. She just seemed _off_. Those tiny antenna were quivering almost as much as Marinette's hands and her smile was threatening to collapse. What was worse, she looked like she was going break down and wail. _Mon_ _dieu_. She hadn't meant to cause this much pain and upset with her decision, it had just happened. She would have had to have been an idiot to turn the opportunity down; it had been a lesser evil in so many ways.

But that doesn't mean it didn't sting seeing such pain on the little god's face.

Somehow that pain and unconditional love soothed some recessed part of her; the part that had tried and failed to give up the miraculous 4 years ago. She huffed. That seemed way longer ago than it was. She really had changed a great deal in her years as Ladybug. And a thought drifted up from an insecure, childish part of her.  _Maybe she had been one of the great Ladybugs._

Marinette looked up as Tikki settled in her hands with a soft thump. A sob hiccupped out of the deity's mouth but she forced out an angry little huff. "Marinette of Paris, Daughter of Sabine Cheng and Holder of the Ladybug Miraculous." Tikki's wide crystal eyes shone with a mixture of pride and sadness as she choked up those words that opposed Marinette's every insecurity and personified her every hope. She pretended not to notice the way those tiny shoulders slumped. _Oh my poor_ _Tikki_.

"You are one of the most formidable heroes this world has ever seen." 

Marinette gave her a soft, genuine smile and Tikki's immortal heart just _ached_ at the love held within it. Here she was, with a Chosen that adored her, and not for the power she offered, and she was expected to let her leave? To watch happily as she was given up and deserted? They never did have any choice in this world of hers, but she had loved Marinette the second she tried. For trying to give a god a choice in a world she was made to serve. Tikki summoned all of her courage and prepared herself for the goodbye she was not ready for; one she had hoped would be many years down the line when Marinette was old and grey, and her Chosen's grandchildren filled the house with tumbling warmth.

"My one wish for you was that you would get a chance to grow into your powers, a chance to harness your full capabilities. We could have gone _so far_ Marinette." Tikki's voice broke. She took a deep breath. "Thank you, and I wish upon you all the luck the world has to offer, and all the creation the universe has to give." She fluttered up to her Chosen's face and wiped away the tears that trailed down her soft skin. 

"May your life be happy, Marinette, and may your heart beat true."

Marinette burst into tears and hugged her kwami with all her might. "Oh my wonderful Tikki, _thank_ _you_."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Marinette made her way downstairs an hour later, with the familiar jewellery box in her jacket pocket and a heavy weight settling around her shoulders. She dropped her bags by the doorway with a thump, turned to say a sarcastic comment and froze. She wasn't there anymore. Marinette sighed and started relaying her bags to her car. She wondered just how long it would take to get used to the constant absence of Tikki -of all her friends and family in fact. She knew she was going to miss her parents the most, but they were closely followed by Alya, Nino and, of course, Adrien. 

While the years had passed by in a blur, they had only grown closer as a group. Nino and Alya started an on and off relationship during lycee, leaving Marinette and Adrien to begin spending a lot more time together. Over time her nervousness around him faded as she realised that she had placed him on a pedestal like a piece of fine china and was ruining any chance she actually had with him. It also just set him away from them more and, after everything with his father, loneliness was her was definitely something that he didn't deserve or need.

Part of her said that her love for him had not disappeared, but changed. Her feelings for him became more subdued until she barely acknowledged them at all. She supposed that it was for the best really, after all, you can't spread your love over an ocean. It just isn't fair. Marinette gave a fake huff of laughter. It's not like he even liked her romantically in return anyway.

With a satisfied smirk at her perfectly timed packing, Marinette drove to their favourite café; her nerves a bundle in her throat. Without Tikki she felt unstable, living years of your life with someone leads to dependence and _horrible_ attachment. _0/10 would not recommend,_ she imagined his voice saying. It sounded so real she almost looked up to see if he was bounding along the rooftops with his infuriating smirk on his face. _B_ _reathe Marinette, they're your friends, they like you. They will be happy for you_.

She opened the door and walked purposefully to _La Café Enchante_. Oh God.

Their faces looked up expectantly at the quiet ring of the bell that announced her arrival, glimmering smiles appearing on each of their faces. Except Alya's. The journalist in her was probably already screaming that she was hiding something from them. How did she believe that she would be able to hide anything from her for even a second? Oh she's in deep shit. Alya already knows. Maybe she found out that Marinette is- _was_ Ladybug as well? She began twisting her dark locks around her fingers; anxiously loosening strands from her high ponytail gradually and probably looking as much of a mess on the outside as she was on the inside.

_I can do this. I am Marinette Freakin Dupain-Cheng and I can do anything._ Marinette sank down into her normal seat beside Adrien, only sparing a second to glance over his casual (yet admittedly very attractive) attire before facing Alya. One look into those fire-lit eyes had Marinette wincing.  _Yeah I change my mind. I can't do this._ Alya stared straight into her soul, before slamming her hands down onto the table. The deafening crash that ensued had a mixture of reactions.

Nino jumped and banged his head on the low hanging lamp. Adrien slammed into the window like a pigeon, and the waitress bringing over her friends' milkshakes almost smashed the glasses on the floor (but saved them by sacrificing the milkshake). But Alya just kept staring. A cold shiver ran down Marinette's spine.

Then, in an incredibly low, broken voice, Alya spoke.

"Marinette, why is there so many suitcases in your car, and why do you look so fucking _terrified_ to speak to us?!

 

 


	2. Desertion

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The truth is told, Alya is speechless and Marinette feels free

She didn't know what to say.

Nino was looking at her sadly, a sad smile resting on his face like he had no other choice but be happy for her. However, his fingers were tapping on the table agitatedly and his gaze flickered constantly from her face, to Alya and then resting on Adrien who sat beside her, gazing bemusedly at Alya. Nino managed to look even more sad when he gazed at Adrien for some reason. Marinette couldn't figure out why for the life of her and instead decided to tear her eyes away from Nino and let them rest on Alya.

On the hunter that stared at her from across the table like she was a mouse trying to escape a fox.

Nino understood, of course he did. How could he not? They had grown up together, had been together since their first time at lycee. They may have drifted apart slightly but he knew her dreams and how just how far she had always wished for them to take her, just as she knew his.

A fashion designer and a world-class DJ.

At the age of 13 they had sworn that they would never let the distance ruin their friendship. They had known, even then. Marinette didn't know whether to feel self-pity or just sad that Alya may not understand, even now.

"Well?" Alya's tone was commanding, emotionless. The interrogative reporter made flesh. Nino gripped his girlfriend's hand even tighter.

"Alya..." She turned to face him like a bullet. Nino's eyes widened in fear. Marinette didn't blame him; Alya was practically growling. The only reason she wasn't cowering in fear at the menacing look in Alya's eyes was because she knew her, knew that she was just acting like this because she was scared for her best friend, and scared that Marinette was deserting her.

"What?" Alya spat out accusingly, crossing her arms angrily.

"Marinette is... well she-" Marinette leaned across the table and placed a reasurring hand on Nino's figeting one. He looked up, and hazel eyes met blue. A thankful smile graced his lips, and Marinette sat back in her chair slowly with a nod. She could feel Adrien's gaze searing into the side of her head, but she ignored it. There were more important things to deal with, at least for now.

"Guys.. I'm moving to New York."

"WHAT!?!"

Marinette winced as Alya exploded like a nuclear bomb. Suddenly the redhead was leaping out of her seat, Nino just barely wrapping an arm around her waist to restrain her. She glanced hurriedly at Adrien to see him looking mainly stunned, his mouth in an adorable pouty 'o'. Marinette smiled and flicked his nose just like she would her- Chat. Just like she would do to _Chat_. Adrien flushed a light pink and appeared to blink himself out of his shock while she turned back to face the issue at hand. Alya. The fiery woman who was currently turning bright red with emotion. It was too soon to tell _what_ emotion however.

Marinette sighed. This is why she didn't tell them sooner. Their reactions, while much appreciated, made it that much harder to leave.

"Okay. Okay. Okayokayokay." Alya paced the tiled floor in the small cafe. _She doesn't seem to be taking this well_... Her face lit up suddenly as she seemingly came up with a plan. "We can plan this out, spend as much time together as possible and make as many memories together as possible," Nino was gazing up at Alya with the most loving, yet heart broken face that she had seen on him in years, yet Alya didn't notice. She was too busy. Marinette bit back a snide _'as_ _usual'_. 

"Are you getting a plane? I mean, obviously you're getting a plane it's New York right?" Alya descended into mumbling punctuated with random bursts with laughter. _Oh no. This is not going to go down well._ What was she thinking? She won't be able to survive in New York without anyone? And if they left her too? She would be so lonely she won't even be able to get any designing done. Let alone become famous enough to start her own boutique! "..Mari? When are you leaving?"  _Mon dieu_. She was... she couldn't breathe. She was gonna- she couldn't breathe. Marinette's gaze flitted around the café. Her eyes were wide but unseeing, searching for anything that could help her. Please please _please_.

 

"I.." Marinette closed her eyes slowly. She slowed her breathing and forced herself to just be calm, using the breathing exercises that Master Fu had taught her.They may had been for battle, but who said that life wasn't it's own form of warfare?

 _O_ _h. There's another person I'm going to miss._

 

They were used to her doing this after the trauma happened. The spacing out worried them but there wasn't anything they could do that the therapist hadn't already tried. It was part of why she was leaving to be honest. She was looking forward to be able to walk home without glancing at a chimney and hearing explosions ringing in her ears as she hid and tried to figure out her lucky charm. She was excited to be able to go to work and not worry about being interrupted by an akuma attack. And, though she knew it was selfish of her, she was so relieved that one day she would walk into a café to meet with her friends and not see the purple-outlined face of her next enemy.

Marinette had never met Lady Wifi, or seen the Bubbler up close and if Marinette was all she was, then maybe she would be okay. But Ladybug had. Ladybug had seen the flame of hatred in Alya's eyes and, just for a millisecond, had wished that Ladybug could let her win. Nothing would remove Marinette's memory of those terrifying days, and a childish part of her wanted to tie those memories up with Ladybug, with Tikki, and let them drown.

They believed she had just been caught in the crossfire of the attack, not the one leading the charge. She had let them believe it. She never opposed the lies they told themselves anymore, just followed the path the magic carved out. No one would ever realize their identities because of it;  the magic just repelled the truth away from them.

When she finally opened her eyes, she knew that they were full of the confidence that had grown apart of her. The confidence that, though it was very much Marinette, had become distinctly _Ladybug._

_She may be broken, but she was not weak, she would not bend._

She stared directly into Alya's burning eyes and did not let them melt the ice that had frozen hers. "The plane will be ready in 3 hours Alya." Their mouths dropped open in shock but Marinette just gave them a sweeping fake smile and looked back to Alya. The redhead opened her mouth to retort.

Marinette cut her off. "And when it is here Alya, I will be getting on it. No matter what."  Alya's shoulders slumped over at the overwhelming surety and she collapsed onto Nino. Marinette looked at Alya and Nino sadly, and tried to etch them into her memory. 

"I understand what I'm doing guys, I understand what I'm leaving." She was glad they would have each other at least. Marinette looked to her side, to Adrien who had so far been unusually silent. Marinette's voice broke. "What I'm losing."

Before, Tikki had warned her that, in leaving Paris, she was losing her chance with Adrien. She had mentioned that they could still message but Tikki had just shook her tiny little head sadly like Marinette didn't understand. But she didn't push the subject.

Marinette watched Adrien warily, finding herself caught in the way that the sun filtered through his hair. Though her infatuation with him had faded, she still found him so beautiful. _Sunshine boy._

 

For a split second, ears and a mask shone on him like a halo. "Chaton..." 

_"I AM IN LOVE YOU!" He screamed at her. Tears ran down his face and dropped unceremoniously onto the metal beams. The heroine's face crumpled as she allowed her fingers to ghost over his cheeks, brushing his tears away so she could see his glowing eyes in all their ethereal beauty beneath those golden locks. Ladybug tilted her head with a sad smile and brought his kneeling form into a hug._

_"I know", she murmured as she stroked his hair reassuringly, "I know." But slowly those tears dried and the ladybug was forced to let go of her kitten so he could stand up on his own. And as he stared down at her with a face of purest love, she allowed herself to wonder for the millionth time, what it would have been like if she had been brave enough to fall in love with him in return. With a sudden certainty, she knew._

_He would hav_ _e caught her._

_Tears pricked at her eyes. The ladybug placed her spotted hands on her Chaton's broad shoulders. A shiver ran down her spine as darkness_ _flooded her suit and turned her gloves black. She didn't let go though. Instead she pleaded that Chat had not noticed and cupped his face in her hands gently._

_"I know you love me kitty, and I love you. You know that. You should never doubt that." Ladybug's words caught in her throat. "But I'm leaving, Chat. And no matter how much I love you, I will not leave you with broken half-promises." Shit. She shouldn't have said that. His eyes turned wide and shone with hope. Hope that would soon be crushed. "I am leaving Chat. And," Ladybug stepped back. Chat Noir's half outstretched arms hung in the space between them. So lost, her kitty looked so lost. She refused to cry. She would not yield this time._

_"And I don't think I'll come back."_

_She spun around and walked purposefully to the edge of the metal beam, already slipping her yoyo into her hand. Her arm was thrown back and her legs prepared to jump when she heard his broken voice. "A goodbye kiss, M'lady?" She turned slowly. Her heart dropped to her feet. His emotions always were like a book to her, and now they looked like a tragedy._

She shook her memories off. Adrien didn't deserve her pushing Chat onto him. Though she had a feeling she would be doing just that for a while. Marinette coughed and shook her shoulders in order to rid herself of their stares.

"I guess this is goodbye guys..." She said sadly, regarding the three people that had stuck with her for years. They all burst into action, wrapping her up in tearful hugs and love. After many reiterations of _I love you,_ _call us later,_ and _visit as soon as possible;_ Marinette was ready to leave.

So she wrapped herself in courage as her armour, winked at her friends and walked out of that café without looking back.

 

* * *

 

 

The drive to the airport was mercifully calm and uneventful, sunlight streaming through the leaves and turning the world golden. Feeling free for the first time in months, Marinette pulled her hair out of her high ponytail, opened her window all the way up, and sang her goodbyes to Paris in the form of badly-written pop songs.

 

The wind was whipping through her dark hair so fast she didn't hear the delicate cling of his boots as he raced along the rooftops. Although, seeing as she had slipped her miraculous into Alya's pocket, she probably wouldn't have heard it anyway.

 

 

 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> ;)


	3. Trapped behind bars

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Adrien is quite confused, a little bit lost and very heartbroken.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Some things about this chapter:
> 
> \- Adrien’s POV.  
> \- Can be skipped if you want, but you will miss some small tidbits.  
> \- A little bit angsty, but not too bad.  
> \- Sunshine bean sheds some tears. Prepare yourself.
> 
>  
> 
> Anyway, apart from all that, I hope you enjoy!!

 

Adrien couldn't stop thinking of his Lady.

Not that that was anything new, but now it was different. Every time his mind strayed upon her crystal eyes a knife of pain stabbed him in the heart.

 

So he thought of Marinette instead. Marinette and her optimistic manner, adorable pink flush and eyes as warm as the Mediterranean Sea.

It just seemed so cruel that not only was Ladybug leaving him, Marinette was too. She was his best friend, the _first_ friend he ever made other than Chloe, but she didn't really count. Not anymore. That lost friendship was to think (and maybe cry) about another day. He just hoped he wouldn't lose her like he had Chloe. Granted, Marinette had said they could visit her and message, but she was still leaving him.

Part of Adrien knew that she wouldn't stay forever. That attack during Catalyst's reign had been horrible and traumatic for her. Even worse, none of them had been there to help her. Alya had been following the akuma for footage for the Ladyblog, missing Marinette's attack completely. Nino had been at a gig, but had been the first to find her.

The other heroes hadn’t even been gifted their miraculous permanently yet, so he couldn’t even blame them. It was all on him.

It had happened at the start of Catalyst’s barrage on Paris, when Ladybug had been the only one fighting until she disappeared temporarily, to return later on. 

Nino's expression as he stared up at Chat over Marinette's unconscious figure would forever haunt him. As would his guilt. For being so focused on finding Ladybug that he missed one of his closest friends as she laid sprawled on a rooftop; bleeding to death. Adrien couldn't blame her for wanting to escape her now-tainted home.

 

At least he still had Alya and Nino _. 'Until they get married and leave you too',_ a voice that sounded suspiciously like Hawk Moth whispered scathingly in his ear.

A shiver raced down his spine at the familiar words.

Distantly, he felt Plagg nestle against him gently from within his coat. Logically, he knew that they were talking and that he should be listening; Marinette was leaving for Christ's sake! But he just, couldn't.

 

All he wanted to do was scratch and claw his way out, like he had when he was- well, akumatized.

Adrien never really did get over it.

And Ladybug, try as she might, had never really understood it.

The spotted heroine had never experienced the silence that smothered in a wave of violet smoke and cut off all senses.

She had never felt the helplessness and fear of waking up on cracked, burning pavement and not remembering how you got there. The disgust that had dragged him down when he realised _he_ had done those despicable things had almost drowned him -would have, if it wasn't for his friends. The 'hero' of Paris, turned as villainous and vulnerable as any civilian.

Paris didn't know that though. They all thought he was just some young celebrity, lost and innocent, a victim to it all.

 

He still heard their screams sometimes; the shrieks of pain coming from the people he had attacked.

He could only see their faces occasionally.

Usually they were just a figure shrouded in darkness, but sometimes, on the worst days, he could see every aspect of their face as he killed them in whatever way they feared most.

When he could see the aging teddy bear in the small hand of a child as they started screaming, when that beloved teddy bear fell to the ground, forgotten as they were devoured by fire, or ice, or simply had a heart attack from fear; those were the days when he didn't get out of bed. The days where he considered never getting out of bed again.

They had lost pets, limbs, family members. His main powers had been to cause pain, to make others loose what they would miss most.

Everyone lost something in what were the most terrifying days of Paris' recent history, though Ladybug had never told him what it was that she lost. After the attack, he wanted to ask her, but she had looked so distraught, so completely broken, that he feared she would have shattered if he had even got close to asking.

It had taken all 4 of the others to take him down. Rena Rouge, Carapace and their newest partner, Queen Bee, had all taken hits. It had taken weeks for them to forgive Chat for not being there, for not turning up to help them fight as the unstoppable team they were meant to be. Without the power of Destruction to oppose Ladybug's creation, they had been unbalanced. And so they fell, one by one.

There had been very little footage of his akumatization. He found it suspicious at first, but then a civilian had told him with an angry sneer, that everyone had gone into hiding after the first few battles due to the extent of the destruction and the danger posed to their lives and those of their families, their _children_. Chat had stopped asking questions after that.

He still didn't think that they would ever fully forgive him really. His partners, Paris, he even caught Ladybug looking at him with distrust sometimes if he was too late for a battle, as if he was going to up and leave her on her own again.

Maybe that was another part of the reason she left, one even she didn't know or maybe just didn't say, still trying to protect what was left of her partner. Maybe she, deep down, had decided that she would never be left again. That she would do the leaving and never have to ask the question, _w_ _ill they ever come back?_ again.

He supposed that he deserved it. He had done a terrible, horrendous thing in allowing himself to be weak and become an akuma. Everyone thought it, his father had been the only one honest enough to say it to his face.

And he couldn't even tell his teammates the truth.

 

Just like how he couldn't tell his civilian friends the full truth either.

They had taken his- _Adrien's_ akumatisation quite well, at least on the surface. Chloe, Nino and Alya had understood as they too had been an akuma before, had been forced to live with the guilt of hurting the ones they loved and admired. Though their akumatisations had not caused so much pain and death. ' _Permanent death.' his father said scathingly. 'So weak. You have disgraced the Agreste name.'_

Adrien lifted his gaze from the aging table and studied his best friends across the table.

They had been so brave.

When fighting them as Chat he had witnessed as they tried to fight Hawkmoth away, to rip out the talons he had dug into their mind- into their very soul. He had done no such thing when it was him.

And Marinette, gentle, kind Marinette, the civilian with a hero's heart, had never even stumbled in the emotional fight against akumatisation. She had never fallen under Hawkmoth's control and he doubted she ever would. She was one of the strongest, fiercest women he knew, and he was undescribably sad to see her go. When she had first seen him after he was cured, she gave him the first hug after all the terror. Everyone else had tiptoed around him, but she had just stalked up to him and wrapped her arms around him. She had barely reached his shoulders back then, but the unapologetic force of her care had warmed him to his core.

 

Over time, she had become a pillar of strength for him and his shredded life. He felt even weaker without her.

But she was leaving now, as they all would eventually, to follow her dreams and further that golden flower of talent that she had nurtured over the years.

Adrien heard a murmur to his side, and focused his hearing on it. If he was transformed, he imagined his fake ears would have perked and twisted towards the sound. With a soft reminiscent sigh, Adrien realised it was Marinette doing her signature mumble-under-her-breath and preceded to carry on half-listening to Alya's rant.

Until Marinette breathed out a word that would always, always turn his head. If not for the heroine that usually said it, then for the time she had breathed it out through bloodied coughs while she tried to heal from the hit that had knocked her halfway across Paris.

 

" _Chaton_..."

His head whipped to hers, to those shining eyes that were too glazed, too unfocused to be actually seeing.

She was- Ladybug was- No. She couldn't be. He wasn't that lucky. The love of his life, best friend and other half being the same person as his civilian best friend? Someone actually accepting _both_ sides of him?

No, he had never been that lucky. 

But despite his doubts, Adrien began listing off reasons of how she could be, his mind speeding along a mile a minute.

 

_Late to class after every akuma._

_Coincidentally exhausted the day after a nighttime akuma attack._

_Blue eyes and hair so black it shines blue._

_A curved body that holds all the s_ _trength, speed and agility of a striking snake._

_The fast mind and intelligence of a hero._

He _had_ always said she had a hero's heart.

_Ladybug?_

Adrien could tell the question was in his eyes, and with that unexplainable connection they had always had, he wouldn't be surprised if she could read it.  _Well that connection is pretty damn explainable now!_

But doubt still sowed into his mind, his heart. He didn't believe it, he didn't fully  _want_ to believe it. How could he have spent so much time with the woman he loved without knowing it was even her? That would... that would mean he didn't truly love her, because while he loved Marinette as much as Ladybug, it had never been really been fully romantic. He had even turned her down in their youth, thinking that the crush he had had on her would never grow into anything more, not with his love for Ladybug casting its shadow over it and commanding his heart.

He had promised her, sworn to Ladybug that he was in love with her, that civilian or not, she was Ladybug.  _But she is, isn't she? Marinette is just as brave, if not braver than Ladybug._

He had witnessed with pride as his best friend took on her demons _without_ a miraculous to protect her and **won**.

 

But then... If she was Ladybug, then Marinette hadn't been attacked by Vanisher while under Catalyst's control, she had been at the front lines, leading the attack.  _I never did find out where Ladybug disappeared to during that attack._ If he was right, it wasn't just Marinette Nino had found bleeding. 

A blanket fell over his thoughts, soothing his worries and softening the dangerous spears of his discovery. _'That's unlikely.'_ It seemed to whisper, weaving though his thoughts until it was _his_ thoughts, _his_ beliefs.  _'Marinette couldn't be Ladybug, she's busy most of the time, yes, but that's because of her fashion design.'_

Not Marinette. He would know. _'Yes',_ the magic whispered, soft and soothing as the sunset, _' You would know.'_

 

He didn't even notice the second blanket of magic as it fell down over his thoughts, cutting all opposing theories and proof and leaving one, final thought.

 

_I don’t know Ladybug’s identity._

 

What was he thinking about again?

 

Adrien shook his head and brought himself back into reality. He had gotten lost in his thoughts again and he couldn’t even remember what they were!  

 _Wouldn’t be the first time,_ he thought bitterly. 

Nope, nope nope. He will be positive for Marinette. _Marinette_...

Adrien forced a smile and when Alya and Nino jumped up to hug Marinette goodbye, he did too.

And if Marinette lingered just a few minutes more with Alya, well that was to be expected. They had been extremely close friends for years, even longer than Nino and Adrien had been. It wasn’t really noteworthy.

When Adrien noticed a small box being dropped gently and quietly into Alya’s pocket while Marinette whispered in her ear, he didn’t take alarm at it. 

He could hear slight words from their rapid whispering, repeated quietly like ‘love’ and ‘remember’ and ‘visit’; ‘bestie’ and ‘message’ and ‘update regularly’ thrown in too. So he just assumed it was a surprise gift from a leaving best friend.

 

He didn’t tell Alya, for fear of ruining her surprise. He didn’t even notice how familiar the patterning on it was before that thought could be prevented from even crossing his mind.

When Marinette turned to him though, after tears swapped with Alya and broken jokes traded with Nino, he had to force himself not to cry too hard. 

He restrained his sobs to silent tears as she wrapped her arms around him, so different to that moment mere years ago, and yet so similar.

They were both older now, wiser too. He knew in that moment that, while they both had growing and learning left to do, they would both be okay.

Eventually.

 

But when that warm embrace ended, fear still raced his veins that he wouldn’t be able to hug her again. He was-

He was too attached, too dependant on her. The relieved, hopeful smile she sent him made him think that being dependant on her wasn’t the worst thing ever.

 

 _Growth,_ he told himself. _It_ _is time we all grew and learned separately..._

Adrien gave Marinette a wave he knew she wouldn’t see as she walked to the door of their cafe for the last time- the last time for a while at least.

 

Then she waved and winked and smiled and _glowed_ and he knew his life would never be the same. 

 

The words were about to leap off his lips when the door shut behind her with a tinkling of bells.

He was too late. He couldn’t leave now, it would be too suspicious. So he collapsed back into the seat that was too cold for just him, and watched as Alya and Nino fell apart. 

 

They clung to each other, breaking yet unbreakable, and so close and in love that Adrien had to look away. 

He forced his mind not to drift back to that night, the last time he saw his Lady. He tried and he tried. But he did anyway.

She seemed to call to him as she always did, the wind singing her name but his ears too human to hear its truth.

 

Adrien wasn’t sure he would be able to handle the truth anymore anyway. Maybe it was for the best. 

This way, he could love a memory until she returned. If she returned.

 _She_ _will_. Adrien thought with utter certainty. _I_ _won’t be able to live if she doesn’t._

He turned back to the couple in front of him."I’m going to go."

They didn’t hear. Or notice. 

So he left.

 

As he waited for Plagg to recharge, he noted the look of pain on the little god’s face. He had never seen the deity look so remorseful and sad. Adrien found he didn’t really care anymore, and called on his transformation regardless.

He was bounding along the rooftops before his cry of **_‘Claws out!’_** had even stopped echoing in the abandoned alley, chasing the tiny car that belonged to his best friend.

There was something telling him, some lost buried instinct perhaps, that if he didn’t stop that car he would lose something fundamental to his life.

Something more than one of many pillars his life rested on, something that would bring his carefully crafted existence burning around his feet. 

But he was too late. Again.

The mockingly joyful car bounced off into the distance, too fast for even his super powered feet to catch, and Chat fell against a chimney.

 

He didn’t stop the sobs that shook through his body as he cried this time.

Didn’t stop them even as they wracked through his heart and through the earth; into the very soul of Paris.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Gosh that was emotional.  
> These first few chapters only had basic outlines, meaning I can just go wild and embellish their thoughts and feeling with details.
> 
> Wow.
> 
> That was very therapeutic. 10/10 recommend.
> 
> P.S. I’m sorry Adrien, my small sunshine bean. You don’t deserve this honey.  
> P.P.S. Tighten your seatbelt and turn on your wipers Adrihoney cause you got a lot of shit coming your way.  
> Sorry! \\(•~•)/


	4. Resolve

Marinette allowed herself to calm under her parent's love for a minute, and pulled herself out of their embrace. _Mon Dieu..._ She hadn't realised how hard it would be to leave them. They were the last people to say goodbye to and, in many ways, the most important.

She gave them a small, shaky smile.

"You go out there into the big wide world, and you follow your dreams until you catch every last one!" Tom Dupain said in his big booming voice, pride shining in every syllable. But tears lined his eyes, so Marinette gave him another fleeting hug.

He reached over to ruffle her hair, and winked at her. _Oh Papa, always so strong._

Sabine smiled at her and caressed her face gently, before giving her a gentle kiss on the head.

  
Marinette couldn't describe how grateful she was that they were so supportive of her spontaneous decision. It had been unfair of her really, and she had only told them a month ago, over 2 months after she found out about her job opportunity of a lifetime. Whats worse, when she had told them, her mind had already been set. She hadn't given them any choice other than to accept it.

  
"We love you, Marinette. Go chase your dreams like we did, and come back to us happy. Come back to us feeling like you can breathe again, _please_."

Marinette loved her mother even more for not asking her to return to Paris. They knew her, through and through, and understood how her home had broken her. They understood that she needed to find somewhere new where she could reforge herself and find the fate _she_ wanted.

She would return to her family, but she promised herself that when she next stepped foot in Paris she would be different. She would return as a healed, living, _free_ woman. And maybe it made her as stubborn as her mother, but she would not return as anything else.

"I promise, Maman." She took a step towards the gateway they could not follow her through, where she would wait for the plane that would take her to her future. She smiled at them then, and watched as they lit up with relief. It was likely the first real smile she had given them since the attack.

It made her feel proud of herself, and hopeful too.

For her dark locks were tumbling down her shoulders, sunglasses were perched on her head, a huge black jumper hung down to her knees and her leggings were as bright a pink as her old bedroom. And she felt, just a smidge, like the Marinette she was meant to be.  
Or maybe would already be if everything had never happened and black miraculous earrings had never rested on her ears.

Marinette gave her parents a final wave. 

Then she turned around abruptly and strode through the arch without looking back.

  
_It would not do to dwell on the past_ , a small voice whispered in her head, _instead, hunt_ _the future with the unrelentless attack of a wolf._

 

 

* * *

 

 

Marinette boarded her plane with a steady step and a resolved heart.

But as she sat down in her first class seat, she couldn't help but imagine her partner bounding along the rooftops, a feline smirk on his face and a gleam in his eyes.

She couldn't help but miss him then, the hero who was her other half and who held her heart within clawed fingertips.

Her heart may be shredded but her mind was cast in iron.

  
Marinette Dupain-Cheng looked towards her future with a smile and a promise.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Filler chapter!  
> Sorry it's so sort, but these are the chapters that need to happen before the real story can begin!


	5. Hope

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Marinette gets a new look, a new house and a new life.

 

Her apartment was smaller than it looked in the photos, but it was _hers_. Marinette loved it to pieces already.

And anyway, fairy lights and thick, woollen blankets would liven the bareboned apartment up easily. She had already started planning what colourful throws she would buy to cover the white sofas. They were _far_ too plain to say like that, too **_Gabriel_**.

Nathalie had been extremely helpful in the moving process, and had even sent people ahead to clean and furnish her house. When Marinette had tried to thank her, the assistant had merely shook her head with a tight-lipped smile.  
Marinette might have believed that Nathalie truly disliked her if it wasn't for the fact that she accepted the cookies Marinette offered her with an almost invisible grateful nod. It might have even been respectful.

Adrien didn't know how much his father and Nathalie had _helped_ her; they had agreed with her when she suggested that their involvement in her departure could strain their relationship even more.   
Of course, Marinette felt despicable for even talking to Mr Agreste behind Agreste Junior's back. Betraying years of friendship and love (though unrequited) didn't sit well with her, and she was thankful for it. It proved that she wasn't a complete horrible person.

It showed that she still had at least some humanity left.

Marinette sighed almost happily.  
Her new, fresh life was finally beginning, and she couldn't wait. Her job started tomorrow, so she had to go shopping and get some more professional clothing.

Marinette beamed as she walked around her house. Her house!!! Hers!

She brushed her hair back into a loose bun and picked up her phone. Excitement raced through her yet again that couldn't be quelled even by the fear of her failure.  
"Maman?" Marinette's eyes managed to sparkle even in the artificial light as she listened to her parent's adoration. "It's _wonderful_!"

 

* * *

 

 

  
Marinette gave herself a brave smile in the mirror.

She had eventually opted for a soft, feminine look in a red blouse and black trousers that defined her calves before flaring out around her black heels. The clothes fit her perfectly and were both elegant and sensual, without losing any of her much needed professional appearance. _Hopefully. God knows I've been out of it a lot lately._

  
The silver locket necklace her parents had gifted her rested just above the ribbon tie of her blouse and offered her a tinge of familiarity and home.  
Her hair was down, pinned back with beautiful silver winged combs and tumbling to her shoulders in delicate curls.  
She looked like a confidant young woman that could take on the world and be victorious.  
She looked like Ladybug.

Mariette scrunched her nose and reapplied her red lipstick and eyeliner, sweeping the line of kohl into a fierce point.

_Okay. Perfect. Wait I need to- no, no hesitation anymore. That Marinette is gone._  
With a nod, she stalked to her kitchen counter and grasped the keys for her rental car, swinging her handbag up onto her shoulder with a grunt. She had prepared _**way**_ too much.  
She sent a flurry of hurried texts to the group chat with Adrien, Alya and Nino in. They basically were her exact thoughts, panicked as they were, and probably didn't even make sense.  
  
**Fashion Diva**  
**\- Guys, it's my first day!!!**  
**\- Help meh**

**-Ohmygodimgoingtobeeatealive**  
**\- If I don't message back assume my boss gas killed me**  
**-has***  
**-I really hope his gas doesn't kill me too though**  
**-Merde.**  
**\- My English isn't even that good**  
**\- Help**

Marinette waited a few seconds before shaking her head and leaving her new home. After locking the door with a surprisingly rusty clank, she descended down the beautiful marble stairs and got into her car. _I can do this. I can do this. This is what I have been preparing for my entire life. My dream job that Gabriel fucking Agreste arranged for me. Gabriel Agreste!_

She couldn’t decide to despair or whoop in joy about it.

Marinette banged her head against the steering wheel. _I can't do this. Who am I kidding here? I am not talented enough yet to work for Antoine Zhatcha._  
A loud ding resounded from her purse and Marinette cursed softly before opening her texts with a reluctant smile.

**Scary Lady**  
**\- Girl, you're going to do fine!**  
**\- You're incredible and  fantastical and a Dupain-Freakin-Cheng!**  
**-Your entire family is amazing**

_That's the thing,_ she thought, _I am always carrying the weight of expectations._  
No.  
Marinette took a deep breath in. She _was_ a Dupain-Cheng, and she would not give up so easily on her dream.  
She would never let her name give her anything other than honour and a home to return to.

Marinette squared her shoulders and let Ladybug courage -her courage- flood through her body and turn her nerves to steel.

When she reached the grande building that would be her work for the foreseeable future, she smiled.

_'Zhatcha Designs, welcome to the future of the past.',_ It read on the large sign that spread over the face of the glass building in curving italics.  
Marinette could already see the people milling about in the building and, not for the first time, a thrill ran through her that she would be one of them.

A real life professional fashion designer! Marinette let out an excited squeal.   
She slapped a hand over her mouth quickly to cut off the sound and looked around, her cheeks flushing.  
Thankfully no one had seen her.  
_God that would have been fucking embarrassing._

Marinette cleared her throat, and entered the slightly-terrifying building with skittish nerves and a strong resolve.

_I have a good feeling about this._

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> For a while, chapter length will be quite varied as, not only does it mean I can post sooner, it means that writing block doesn't hit me as often  
> Also, I stan a Marinette with a Greek Goddess look.  
> I was going for Athena but i think she went full out Artemis and honestly?  
> Don't regret it.


	6. Picking up the pieces

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The wolf huffs and puffs...
> 
>  
> 
> And it all comes crumbling down.
> 
>  
> 
> "How could he trust anyone if he couldn't trust Marinette?"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Warining: relatively long chapter ahead.
> 
> Ooooh so i had this chapter all written down but THEN my browser jut decided to *pop* closed and i lost 3/4 of the entire fucking thing.  
> 3/4!!!!!
> 
> I don't even wanna know how many words it is I lost.  
> Anyway, because of this there may be some plot holes or weird gaps in the chapter that I don't notice because in my head I've already written it and fixed them (if that makes sense??).
> 
> Please point out any wrong spellings and just mistakes in general. My brain is so fried right now after writing this twice.
> 
> But yeah. I screamed for a long, long time when I realised how much time I'd wasted.
> 
> So i forgot like half of it so enjoy my bad memory, dorks :))))))))

 

 

Alya sighed and rubbed her forehead. She took a sip of her homemade (and unsurprisingly disgusting) coffee.

Gods. This is so boring.

Alya loves the thrill and discovery of her job but the part where she comes home from the investigating and then has to do the endless writing up really ~~sucks ass~~ _makes her smile._

 

Their door clicked open and Alya grinned reluctantly. She supposed there was _one_ good thing from working at home.

 

“Honey, I’m home!” Nino’s joyful voice rang out through their living room. His adorably rumpled head pops out from behind the doorframe and Alya raises a brow.

She pretended to be annoyed as she said, “Seriously? You sound like a 40 year old man!”

Nino laughed and hunched over as he hobbled over to the dining table. He placed a feather light kiss on the crown of her head and wrapped his arms around her shoulders.

“How was your day babe?” Alya sighed but felt her heart melt. He was so sweet. He never stopped asking her how she was and it made her feel so loved.

“It was amazing, Nino.” Alya winced at the bluntness of her words and tried to shrug them off.

“Okay, how about I make us some coffee and then you’ll tell me what’s up." Alya let out a long breath she hadn’t known she was holding and nodded.

She felt him smile in the way you can sense the happiness of those you truly know, and it sent a gentle warmth skittering through her veins.

 

Nino withdrew to the kitchen with a pat to his girlfriend's head, leaving her to stew on her thoughts.

She wandered to their comfy second-hand couch and collapsed into the faded leather. Urgh. Life didn't seem to calm down for just one second so she could plan it out and get ahead.  

All the young reporter wanted to do was start her life with her boyfriend and chill out with her best friend. But no. Of course she couldn't.

For the wielder of the Ladybug miraculous, she didn't have much luck.

 

"That's because they aren't meant to be yours." Alya looked up from her thoughts and gave the kwami a glare that was so withering it sent cat callers running. Unsuprisingly, it didn't faze the being or affect her emotionless manner. Tikki had been quiet, ever since the first time she opened the box and put on those earrings, but this was getting ridiculous now. The akumas were not getting any easier and the lack of help Tikki had been providing was not helping in the slightest. Alya's frustration was slowly turning into fury. Until it burst out in a torrent of words.

"I know Tikki, it's not like you tell me _every single day_. I get that I'm not your _precious_ Ladybug but can you please just back OFF!!", seethed Alya, breath heaving. Her face was flushed from exertion and her hair streaked across her face in her fury. She leaned over the arm of the couch in an instinctive attacking position. Fires lit in her eyes as she glared into the icy irises of Tikki, but the kwami was unaffected. She merely huffed like Alya was the dirt beneath her tiny wings, and turned back to face the window.

Alya sighed.

She had always had a temper that cooled quickly, but the barely veiled eternal sadness in those immortal eyes tamed her anger like Seine in winter. She stood up slowly from the sofa, and wrapped a woollen blanket around herself as she moved over to sit beside the little god on the window sill. She looked so broken and sad, red form slumped over and antenna drooping. If she didn't know better, the reporter would say there were tears lining the deity's eyes. 

"Listen, Tikki. I know I'm not the one who was meant to be with you, I know that. You miss your Ladybug, but I-" Alya's voice broke, but she ignored the inquisitive, intelligent eyes Tikki set on her face. The blogger focused instead on the falling leaves, letting the half-moonlight call to her soul. With a jolt of sadness, she realised that she should have seen Ladybug's desertion coming. It had been so long. It had been so long since she had seen joy on her best friend's face. _**"I miss my friend."**_

"I-I miss her so much Tikki. She was practically made to be a superhero, to be Ladybug. She is brave and intelligent and so kind. She is one of my closest friends, second only to Marinette," A sting of pain shot through their hearts, unknowingly in perfect synchrony. "And I _loved_ her. I go out there and I hear people calling for the real Ladybug to come home and I wonder if I the best thing for Paris would be to give up the miraculous. But then I remember that my team mate- my friend- trusted _me_ with her miraculous to look after the city she loves so much, and would do- _has done_ everything to protect. She left me-"

Alya coughed to cover up her sob.

She forced herself to choke back the tears forcing themselves up her throat. Tikki came to rest on her bunched up knees as Alya wrapped her arms around them, but the Ladyblogger payed her no mind.

"She left me to look after the team, to look after _Chat_. You know better than anyone how much that woman loves Chat. Anyone could see it from miles away. The only reason that neglected kitty didn't was because he was raised to believe the most important kind of love was romantic. He never understood that the love that Ladybug has for Chat is the kind that is both soul deep and bound." 

Alya finally turned her fierce gaze upon Tikki, and she knew it was the gaze of the fox she missed so much. "And I am asking you, right now, what do you want me to do? I will  not give up the one thing I have been trusted with by the woman that saved me, and I will not fail her."

She wiped her face, and cupped her hands into a bowl. After a split second of hesitation, Tikki flew to rest in them. Her presence was reassuring. Different to Trixx's, less the raging power of wildfire and more the calm, constant light of fireflies. 

"Tikki-" Alya was near croaking now, but she outright refused to cry again. "I don't know what to do."

 

The deity's eyes melted, just a fraction, and she rose up to look her in the eyes. Alya sensed the respect in the gesture, and did not look away. "Alya Cesaire. You are the fox of the miraculous ring. You wield Deception as your power and the songs of the dead flow through your soul. The Ladybug miraculous does not fit with that, yes, but this bad luck is not just because of that. You have already been claimed by another kwami."

Alya gasped. "You miss him, don't you?", Tikki said. Despite Alya's resistance, a tear slipped down her cheek. 

"I-I didn't even get to say thank you or goodbye."

Tikki knew the girl wasn't talking just about Trixx anymore but she didn't comment on it. If she had, it wouldn't have been fair. She alone knows how torturous it had been living in Alya and Nino's house these last few weeks. It was lovely being able to see Wayzz occasionally; only whenever an akuma was so late they couldn't return their miraculous really but still, it was nice. Just with the constant mentions of Marinette and the slowly distancing relationship of Adrien and Alya, she was beginning to miss being able to sense her counterpart near. 

She wouldn't tell him this, but she had gotten arrogantly used to being able to feel his dark, writhing power almost every day. It was soothing, the way their sometimes frighteningly infinite power sang and danced together, singing lullabies to soothe the cracks loosing one's chosen caused.

 

She had been given up in a hundred different ways by Marinette, but then again, so had Alya.

Tikki tilted her head and gave the girl a small smile.

"You are of a pure heart and a true will, Miss Cesaire. My Ladybug would not have chosen you otherwise. She was mine as I was hers; the bond of a kwami and their chosen is irreplaceable and breakable only by death. It is why Trixx's deceptively mischievous power still leaves his imprint on your soul and why that imprint will never fully leave you, no matter where you go. But we need to learn to work together, or this will not work."

The pain in the deity's eyes was tangible as she said, "You are my only link to her now Alya, and if she comes back, I wish to see her again. So I may say some things I should have told her a long, long time ago."

Alya gently rubbed her forehead against the small form hunched over in her hands reassuringly.

"She loved you like her own soul, Rena Rouge, and I know it tore her apart to leave you behind without explaining properly." _If only you could know the full truth of that love._

The red head sighed and nodded. Her friend would have hated herself for it, she knew that at least.

When Nino eventually returned, after taking at least 20 minutes making some coffee (she heavily suspected he had been stalling to give them space), they settled down together in the heart of their home. And when Alya's tears had dried and she finally felt ready to talk to her boyfriend, she grasped his hand in hers, and began. 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 "What do you mean you aren't coming?" Alya waved her hand dismissively at Nino and Adrien's puzzled faces as they turned up to look at her from the couch. They both tilted their heads in an adorable cat-like manner and she almost laughed, would have if it wasn't for the words that her supposed best friend was saying. 

**_'I just can't Alya. There is so much work to do for the Autumn line coming out, and if I don't make it my priority then my chance of being head designer is out the window.'_ **

Alya sighed angrily and continued pacing. "Mari, I thought we agreed to balance our jobs so we could still see each other? We've spent the 3 months since you left planning this week so we could all be in the same place at the same time! We all turned down deals or gigs so we could do this Mari, are you seriously telling me that you aren't willing to even come down?"

Marinette went silent for a second, before the faint sounds of laughter and the clinking of glasses echoed out of the phone. Marinette spoke softly to whoever she was with.

Alya couldn't make out any words, but they were followed by even more joyous laughter and then the loud click of a door.

Seriously? Was she at a party _right now_? While speaking to them? What had happened to the girl who put her friends first?

Unless she has new, higher priority friends now...

Alya huffed angrily, and put the phone on speaker. She placed it on the oak coffee table so all 3 of them could listen to her ramble out her usual long list of excuses. Surprisingly, she didn't seem to have one.

 ** _'Listen, Alya, you know I love you guys and that will never change,_** ** _but you deserve better than a shitty excuse.'_**   Their eyes widened and they looked at each other in mild shock. Adrien went to say something, but Alya just placed a finger to her lips and shook her head sadly. He opened his mouth again to protest, but stopped, as if something had warned him not to. As if some god-like force had told him that if he did, they would miss out on the truth they wanted so badly.

 _**'Paris is my home Alya, but in** _ _**my last few months there it started feeling like a prison. It scared me. I didn't want the people I love to become anchors that I would eventually cut off when I started to drown. Because that's what was happening Alya, I was drowning in the place that was meant to be my home, and as time went on, I realised that I would end up bringing Cha-'**   _Marinette coughed, _ **'end up bringing the ones I love with me'**_

Tears pricked at Alya's eyes. A glance up showed that the boys were experiencing the same thing. But they remained silent. **_'I didn't tell you guys at first because I was scared it would freak you out and worried that you would baby me, look at me with as much pity as you are probably feeling right now._**

**_But then I was given the job of a lifetime by Ga-Antoine, and I realised that I had a choice again, one that I alone would make for my future and my needs. Eventually though, I realised that I didn't tell you how I felt because in leaving you, I could finally breathe again._ **

**_And I knew how much that would hurt you.'_ ** ****

Marinette paused.

 

 ** _'Just so you know- because I know exactly what you're like -there was never any doubt that you loved me, Peanut.'_** Alya began crying. **_'But love can become a cushion, and I allowed myself to depend on you too much. For that I am truly sorry.'_**

Huge, messy tears fell and streaked down her face. A gasp of both pain and shock told Alya that Adrien was experiencing the same thing. Nino, however, just remained sitting still in stoic silence. Emptiness had frosted over his hazel eyes, leaving them devoid of their normal mirth and warmth as he stared straight ahead.

 ** _'I love you and, as I have said many times before; that will never change. We have been friends from opposite sides of the globe before Alya, and I know we could do it again.'_ ** A flare of hope lit in Alya's heart. _ **'But the problem is, I don't think I want to anymore. Or even can.'**_

Marinette let out an empty laugh. **_'Y'know, o_** ** _n the lonely plane ride over here, I was thinking about the reality that, no matter what you do;_** ** _there are distances that love cannot cross._**

**_Eventually I decided that I can't let my emotions be spread thin over an ocean Alya, it's just not fair on me. Its not fair on anyone._ **

_**Because eventually I will snap, and I don't think I have the strength to pick myself up a second time.'** _

Alya whimpered, but gathered up her remaining strength to speak. "Marinette-stop!"

She swore Marinette hissed; a threatened feral mountain cat defending her turf.

It was the first time Alya had ever had the full force of Marinette Dupain-Cheng pointed at her; even just verbally. It was fucking _terrifying_.

 ** _'No Alya, you have to stop! You can't censor me because my emotions make you uncomfortable! I am NOT some story where you can hide bits you don't like! You DON'T GET TO DO THAT!!’_**  Marinette was thunder as she spoke, fury emanating through every word. Wishing she could take it back, Alya says, "Look, I'm sorry Marinette just-"

 _ **'Stop.'**_ Her voice was deathly calm. It was so similar to a heroine long gone that Alya's mouth slammed shut on pure instinct. They could hear the faint sound of a door opening again, and a quiet exchange between Marinette and a deep, masculine voice before Alya heard her sigh. There was a murmured, _**'Thanks Lulu.'**_ before silence returned. She supposed she had no right to be jealous of the stranger who had calmed her best friend down with a few well-chosen words, but she was downright envious anyway. It was in her nature. She was too protective and possessive, too scared of her loved ones being hurt to acknowledge the fact that sometimes they already were.

 

Alya glanced to the young men sitting down, one looking like they had been destroyed and the other like he felt nothing at all.

When Marinette's voice rose from the white noise of Alya’s phone, it was soft and gentle. But not weak. It was the voice of the young girl who had sung Alya to sleep on her worst nights and soothed her to tranquility after a bout of tears.

The realisation sent another spear of pain through her.

**_'I bet you have the boys gathered around you, ready to tear into me with your fangs as soon as I pause to breathe._ **

**_It's not that I don't think I deserve it I just- I wish it could be different.'_** There was a soothing love to her words, but the way she said them; the hesitation. It was the impossibly sad tone of someone who is resolved to her their choice.  
Alya began to get scared.  
When she sounded like this, Marinette's mind could not be changed. And it sounded like she had decided to say goodbye.

**_'Alya, you know me better than anyone else; you know every side of me there is, but you don't truly see._ **

**_You tend to- when you look at me Peanut, your face is like an open book. I mean, it always is but I guess it just hurts more when you look at me. Because I know you look at me, and you see pieces of broken china._ **

**_You never- you never see me anymore Alya and I don't know if you will ever really stop. I pray you can because if you can't, then I will never be able to look at you again.' _**The Ladyblogger didn't know when she stopped crying; but she started again now.

 ** _'And Adrien,'_** Mon Dieu. This is definitely a goodbye. Oh no, _please_ no. _ **'I want you to know that I was in love with you.'**_ There was a yelp and a crash as Adrien fell to the ground and just sprawled there helplessly.

Marinette laughed breathlessly. ' ** _I'm glad I can still get you flustered Adrihoney.'_** She sounded so truly relieved to hear it too. Alya's lips almost twitched up.  
The freedom in it, the teasing gentleness, it was every aspect of who Marinette is- _was_. Alta found herself being able to feel her there with them, probably throwing Adrien a wink (and managing to pull it off despite her distinct pink flush) before giving him a joking punch on the arm and laughing about the days where she could barely do more than stammer around him. Adrien would laugh and joke back, but say she should've told him earlier. 

Alya could see it then, a beautiful future for the four of them. One where Marinette returned fixed and happy, and over time, started dating Adrien. One where their children are raised alongside each other, and always have a second family to go to.  
Alya gazes up, lost in her dream and Adrien catches her eye. He looks sad for a moment, as if he sees her dream and wishes it to be true as well. He shakes his head. _No_. He seems to say. _You can't fix us Alya, we can't have a perfect life. Anyway, there is nothing to be fixed. Only healed._

Alya didn't know how he got all that through one disapproving look but it worked, it hit her right in the gut and she started to feel guilty. _Of course, Marinette isn't some broken plate._

 

Marinette made a weird kind of sob noise and her attention turned back to the phone. _ **'Nino.'**_ Nino's eyes flicked almost unnoticeably down. _ **'Nino. I know you're there. Listen to me now, okay? Swear you will listen to me.'**_

A tear slid down his caramel skin, but he just brushed it away and said in a brisk tone, "I swear it on your life."

Adrien raised a brow and Alya felt inclined to do the same, but then she remembered. Nino and Marinette had been through everything together, had walked down both preschool and highschool halls together. They were family at this point.

Her heart twisted. She couldn't imagine the type of pain Nino was in right now.

 _ **'Okay. Okay right. There's a lot I need to say to you. But first off, if you ever need me you call me and I will find you and drag whoever's ass I need to kick no matter where you are, do you understand?'**_ Nino's face softened. She suspected it was an inside thing, because Nino couldn't hold back his tears as he said, 'I know Marinette.'

 _ **'Yes, right.'** _ By the repetition of her words, Alya suspected Marinette wasn't taking this well either. _**'This phone will be going in the trash with the rest of my junk, Nino you know how to get my new number so don't worry about me. Try not to die too hard Ninny, message me whenever you need to; I don't give a fuck about the timezone okay?'**_

"Feelings mutual dudette." Nino sounded unsure as he said,"This is not goodbye right?"

_**'No, of course not. Don't be a ninny, Ninny.'** _

"Right."

They both laughed, and for a second everything lowered to a 2 on the 1 to 10 shitness scale. 

But then a door slammed on Marinette's side of the line, and a familiar voice called, _'Hey, Mari? Gabriel Agreste is on the phone, he says he needs to speak to you urgently.'_

Adrien, Alya and Nino froze. Somewhere in New York, so did Marinette Dupain-Cheng.

 _ **'Jules, I can't speak right now. I'm talking to someone!'**_ Marinette hisses, voice partially muffled. _Juleka?_ Alya mouthes in astonishment to the boys. Nino shrugs, but Adrien is still frozen. Poor bean. Wait. If that's Juleka, then that slightly recognisable male voice was probably...

Luka.

Lulu. Or course. How could she miss that? Only Marinette would be allowed to call a punk rocker like Luka 'Lulu' _._

 

 _'Well hang up, he says it's urgent.'_ Juleka's bored voice says.

"Marinette. Why the fuck are you in urgent contact with my father?" Adrien seethed. Alya could sense Marinette's wince from across the ocean. There was a loud gasp from the end of the line.

_'Shit Mari. Is that Adrien?'_

**_'Yeah.'_ **

A whistle and an answering sigh. _'Well fuck Mari, have you told him?'_

Alya startled as Adrien slammed a hand down on the coffee table.

"Damnit Marinette what the hell have you done?" He says, glaring at the phine angrily as if he wished for it to burst into flames.

 

 **'I-I-I don't-'** To his credit, Adrien seemed like he would listen, but then Marinette's fear took over her. **_'I-I have to go Adrien, I swear I will tell you later.'_**

Adrien's mouth dropped open. Maybe he had never expected Marinette to put him aside for his father. Adrien and Alya had been distancing for a while now. Marinette and Nino had been the only things that tied them together now they aren't in school anymore and with Nino leaving for work constantly... She hadn't been there for him as much as she should have. As much as Marinette would have expected her to.

But she did still know Adrien, and there was a niggling suspicion that maybe Adrien- maybe he had believed that Marinette would be the one that never abandoned him.  As she watched Adrien's face harden and fingers curl into fists, Alya wondered if that was the only chance Marinette would be offered. Ever. She feared that he wouldn't listen to her after this.

 

 ** _'One last thing though guys,'_** Marinette sighed, and (probably) habitually tilted her head. _' **Nino, Alya…'**_

They unconsciously leant closer to the phone.

 

**_'I am so proud of you. I chose well.'_ **

 

The line clicked dead.

 

Leaving the three remaining friends (?) to try and work out what to do while a Marinette-shaped hole was being slowly, permanently carved out of their lives. Before it had been just moving away physically; now Marinette was pushing them away emotionally. 

 

Alya and Nino wondered just what she meant, and how much she knew.

 

Adrien was left to wonder if Marinette had ever truly been in his life at all.

 

Or if, maybe, she had been a beautiful ray of sunshine that his father had conquered. It wouldn't be the first time his father took away someone he loved.

He just couldn't believe that _Marinette_ would do this. There had to have been a reason. There has to be a reason for what she did. If not... Adrien shuddered. How could he trust anyone if he couldn't trust Marinette?

 

 

* * *

 

 

Marinette bit her lip. "What if he doesn't answer?" Luka just wraps an arm around her shoulders and rubs her back in soothing circles.

"He will."

"But what if he doesn't?"

"Mari." Luka took her hands and gave her a soft smile. He turns them over gently and kisses each of her palms. She immediately flushes red because _holy hell._ But the action, inevitably, calms her down enough for her thoughts to distinguish themselves and she smiles at him gratefully.

"I will wait for you outside, okay?" Marinette nodded decisively, and Luka hid a grin. "And remember, no matter what, you leave this room and we go get ice cream."

Marinette smiled up at him and gave him a small wave as he left. She could do this. She was Marinette Dupain-Cheng, soon to be head designer of Zhatcha designs and, as Juleka called her, an ass-kicker that would put Chat Noir to shame. That one had hurt a bit- okay a lot when she first heard it and she had almost cried but she owned it now. Just like she would own this.

 

It was just Adrien; one of her closest school friends. She could do this.

She took a deep breath and dialled his number. The 3 rings it took for him to answer set her nerves jittering.

 ** _'Hello, this is Adrien Agreste, who's speaking please?'_**   Marinette took another deep breath and forced joy into her voice.

"Hey Adrien, it's Marinette."

 ** _'Oh. Hello Marinette.'_** His voice had lost all pleasant greeting and was now just cold anger. Marinette's heart sank as her bottom lip trembled. It was obvious that he had already made up his mind, and she had half a mind to just give up. 

But she didn't. Not yet.

 

"Adrien, I'm calling to explain what happened the other day on the call. Your father-"

 _ **'Al**_ _ **ready explained everything.'**_ Adrien spat out. Marinette jolted so hard she banged her knee against the bedside table. She barely contained her pained hissing as Adrien continued to speak words she didn't understand. ** _'He told me how you basically crawled to him, begging for a job. He told me how you used my name to get everything you wanted. He told me how you lied to me about everything.'_**

Steam was flying out of her ears.

"I did no such thing Adrien. And I cant believe you think I would stoop so low to use your name to scrape out a future like a begging _slut_." 

**_'I didn't believe it at first Marinette, I didn't. But then he brought out the contract, and the audio footage and the CCTV and I thought, maybe I made friends with the wrong person again. Maybe Marinette is just another Lila.'_ **

 

Marinette growled. "How _dare_ you?"

"Your fucking father offered me a job in his company-that is more prestigious than Zhatcha by the way-and I turned it down because I said it would be unprofessional and disrespectful to you. He then manipulated me into leaving Paris and, seeing as I had no choice, I accepted the job he weaselled out for me at Zhatcha.

I never _begged_."

 

Adrien hummed. It was a harrowing sound. One of someone who had lost hope. **_'Maybe he did Marinette. But you still made those choices. You still didn't tell me. You should have told me.'_** It was the pain in those last words that told her he wasn't going to forgive her, that he wasn't even going to listen. People in that much pain don't listen to anything other than what they want to hear.

 

He hangs up, but she calls him again.

He doesn't answer.

She leaves voicemails.

 

**_'Adrien. Let me explain. There is more you don't know. Please. I need you to talk to me. You're one of my closest friends, one of the first people I ever fell in love with and a man that I wish to know as I grow old and grey and wrinkly. I wish to grow old with my friends by my side. And I want you to be one of them.'_**

 

 **_'Its Marinette. I guess this is pointless. Please answer me anyway. I-I need you in my life Adrien. I know I said all that stuff on the phone but I was drunk and I-I_** **_know that doesn't make what I said less true or hurtful_ ** **_but please. We can still be friends. And about your father, he's a dickwad. He always was. Shit._ ** **_I'm blaming this on him and I shouldn't do that. I just hate him so much.'_ **

 

**_'Hey, it's me again. Marinette. I don't really know why I'm still trying to be honest. You aren't going to listen. But I love you, and you don't stop trying when you love someone. So yeah, please call me back._ **

****

**_'Hey. You know who this is. I just wanted to tell you something, a story I guess. Urm so_** **_I was about 9 years old and I was playing in the park with Maman. I was bouncing around when sh_ ** **_e looked into my eyes, tightened my pigt_ ** **_ails and told me to 'go play with that boy over there_ ** **_because he looks lonely'_ ** **_. And so I did. I skipped over with my bright pink ball and was about to ask if I coul_ _d play with that_ _green-eyed_ _bo_ _y_ _with_ ** **_shining golden hair when a lady walked up to them. They looked almost i_** ** _dentical and smiled so wide that I decided that that boy looked happy enough with his Maman and that I would return to mine. But then, as they were strolling away, a man walked up to them. He had blonde hair too but it was lighter, silver instead of golden, and instead of green his eyes gleamed grey.'_ **

 

 **_'Anyway, apparently the boy had done something wrong because the man slapped him hard on the wrist. As in, echo-around-the-park-and-definitely-leave-a-m_** ** _ark hard._** ** _The kid ran off crying;_** ** _leaving a furious_ ** **_mother and an annoyed father. I_** ** _didn't understand. My parents had never hit me and I was taught that_ ** **_if you see someone hit s_** ** _omeone else, remember what they look like and return to maman or papa._ **

**_But in the heat of the moment I forgot all that and panicked._** ** _I threw my mini football straight at his head with all the strength of a baker's daughter. As a girl who had been lugging around flour for my entire life, I threw pretty hard. It hit the back of his head with impeccable accuracy_** ** _and you could see the lump it caused through his hair. I ran away like my pants were fucking on fire. _ ****_And, you see, I have had a penchant to dislike Gabriel Agreste ever since I put together the combination of that_ ** **_family's_ ** **_features.'_ **

 

 **_'Um-yeah. As I was saying, your maman laughed really hard. She had a beautiful laugh by the way. It caught my attention and I_ _paused my flee to safety._** ** _I watched from behind a bush. I know what you are thinking, stalkerish right? Yeah, I know so cut it out I was literally 9. But so yeah, her laugh was like-uhm-it was like Christmas morning I guess. So happy, and so free. She-the uh way she laughed, the way she looked at you as you played.. Adrien your mother loved you so much.'_** Marinette laughs nervously. ' ** _So uhm.. I was into fashion, even then, and I think I wondered if she was a model. I can't remember the whole thing perfectly, obviously, but s_** ** _he w_** ** _as beautiful enough to be one for sure and even if she wasn't... that charisma would've made anyone fall in love with her.'_ **

 

**_'I-ah-I guess I never told you that I met your maman and stuff before because I didn't want to make you feel uncomfortable? And I guess I just forgot about that little boy who got slapped on the wrist and fell for the teenager who gave me the umbrella. But then grew to love and adore the man you are today._  **

_**Jee**_ ** _ze_** **_t_** ** _ **hat's awkward. I guess that's all I wanted to tell you. If this is the last time you hear from me, I want it to be about her. Emilie Agreste. I wish I could have known her. I litera** lly loved her from like a laugh, her unwavering sense of justice and the fearless protection of her son- sorry that sounds weird, she was just awesome. Yeah.'_ **

 

Marinette sighed and rubbed her eyes. That day... that memory had been painful to drag up. But she didn't regret it. Adrien deserved to know that truth, and if she never got to tell it to his face, then over the phone would have to do.

 

 

She decided that enough was enough.

 

_**'Hey Adrien. This is Marinette Dupain-Cheng for the last time. I have decided that enough is enough. I'm sorry that I hurt you and lied to you.**_

_**There is no excuse g**_ _**ood enough for that.** _

_**But you made your decisions and I made mine.** _

_**I love you Adrien. This number will be changed and my phone destroyed tonight. Nino will be the only one of you three who has a means to my new number. Only ever ask for it if there is an extreme emergency. Goodbye Adrien, and thank you for everything.'** _

__

Marinette pressed end call with a tired sigh. She blinked her eyes open slowly and sat up on the bed. At some point she had sprawled over Luka's quilt, but she didn't know when. The time had kind of just blurred for her.

It had been 2 hours since she first called Adrien and she doubted Luka would still be there, but when she opened his bedroom door, there he was.

He look up at her from beneath his black-blue hair and smiled that gentle smile of his. He lifted his legs up from their sprawled position across the floor and tilted his head. 

Marinette shook her head, and his mouth formed into a little ‘o’. His brow creased in concern and his shoulders tensed, but she just placed a hand on each shoulder and smoothed the tension out.

 _I’m_ _okay_. The gesture said. _I'm still here._

 

Luka offered her his arm. God. How can one person be that adorable? She took his leather-clad arm with a laugh and hauled him up. “Ice cream?” He asked cautiously.

Marinette nodded.

 "Ice cream."

 

 

* * *

 

 

Adrien rolled over in his bed and sighed. He had been too rash, he knew it. He should've answered sooner or listened to her instead of completely exploding at her. There had been proof, but it could have been faked.

It had still been a horrible thing to do; working with his father behind his back, that is. Adrien wasn't completely naïve. He understood that Marinette wouldn't have wanted to hurt him, and he knew that he didn't have the right to ask her not to work with him at all. He couldn't expect that of her, not if she wanted to do well in fashion. And this is Marinette, and she doesn't do anything half-assed. 

Marinette wants to reach the very top and, to be honest, Adrien wouldn't be surprised if she did.

He just couldn't say that he was 100% sure anymore just what she would do to get there.

Her working with his father wasn't an issue, and if that was all Adrien's mind focused on, then he would be the one calling her to apologise. But his instincts said that their partnership had been going on for a while, and Marinette hadn't told him.

He was her friend. Why didn't she tell him?

 

Was she worried that her lies would come crashing down if she did?

Did she just not care? Does she actually feel guilty at all?

 

Adrien slid his phone into his hand and turned it on. _Jeeze 10:45 already?_ After blinking against the light, his eyes widened as he stared at his notifications.

 

_11 missed calls from Marinette UwU_

_8 voicemails from Marinette UwU_

_2 missed calls from Lord Dudebro_

_1 missed call from Scary Lady_

_-_

_4 messages from Lord Dudebro_

 

Woah. How the hell did he miss all of that?!? _Had he shut down completely after that call with Marinette?_

He quickly unlocked his phone and checked his messages.

_Apparently he had._

**DudeBro**

_6:24 pm_ \- Dude, you okay? Alya told me what happened on the call with Marinette. I know your head must be reeling rn, message back when you can pls.

 _7:_ _45  pm_ \- Hey man, please answer Marinette. She's freaking out again. I don't want you to lose her forever, you know you'll regret it. I saw your face when you found out she was in love with you. You can't fool me.

 _7:50 pm -_ Ah, I'm sorry bro that was totally uncool of me. All I mean is, Marinette is a good person to have in your life. I've leaned on her a good few times in my lifetime and she doesn't fall. All I'm asking is that you listen to her, because I know her. She won't keep chasing after you if she decides you're not worth it. She gave up on you once man. I have a feeling that this time, it will really be over. For both of you. You need her, and right now she needs you. Don't wait so long she decides she doesn't.

 

 _8:25 pm -_ Make your choice, bro. But don't regret it.

 

What the hell? He had the right to time at least. He had needed to think it through. He had said some incredibly rude and disrespectful stuff, but he hoped that Marinette would forgive him. Her natural instinct to forgive made him hopeful.

Then again, Nino was making it seem like he was about to lose Mari forever. Adrien scoffed. As if. Nino may know her best, but Marinette wouldn't do that. She- she couldn't-wouldn't leave him too. Not again. 

But he had said she was just another Lila.

He had implied that she was talentless, had said she had 'crawled' to his father.

He had basically called her a lying gold-digger.

_He was horrible._

 

Yet the only thing he could think of was that she was getting a new number and Nino would be the only one to...

the only one to have it.

 

Realisation thudding through his veins and flooding his heart with fear, Adrien raced to click on the voicemails. When he heard Marinette speaking to him kindly, he felt relieved. Then the truth she spoke reached his brain. And his heart fell to his feet.

The first thing that hit him was the dejection in her voice as she spoke. She had given up, but _she loves him. She kept trying._

 

And then the story, the truth she had told him. The fact that she had seen his father hit him, had met him when he was a child was interesting, but she had met his mother. And she had loved her at _first glance_. And his mother had laughed at Mari. _Laughed._

Marinette had said she had been nine, which meant he was too. But Maman had long stopped laughing and smiling by then, at least around his father and in public. By then, her smiles had been reserved just for him; whenever they were alone. 

And she had laughed. _Oh my god._ Adrien laughed disbelievingly. Of course it would be Marinette Dupain-Cheng who made his mother laugh in public for the first time in years, maybe even the last laugh the world saw before she died. **'I** **f this is the last time you hear from me, I want it to be about her.'** she had said. Adrien stopped laughing.

_'The last time you hear from me.'_

_'The last time'_

His chest became uncomfortably tight. He gasped for breath. "Plagg."

"Hmmfph."

"Why didn't you wake me?"

"Cheese." Plagg said disinterestedly from the trash can.

"Why didn't you wake me!" Adrien's voice rose in anger until he was near shouting. Plagg drifted up out of the bin, head cocked to one side. Worry picked at his features, but Adrien ignored it.

 

_'The last time'_

Adrien desperately pressed on Marinette's contact.

 

It didn't even ring.

 

 **"Unfortunately, we are unable to take your call. The number you are calling has been either changed or disabled. Please check the numbers you have entered are correct** **and try again."**

 

 Plagg's mouth fell open.  _Oh._ He realised what the huge deal was now. This was... This was even bigger than cheese. The Black Cat might not know it yet, but this was him losing his Ladybug fully. This was the cutting of the last tie they have to each other; their civilian identities.

Adrien opened his mouth and fell to his knees in a silent scream.

Plagg swore an ancient, foul curse. He was going to have to be much more careful around his Adrien now. He wasn't going to allow another one of his kits to die. 

Not again.

 

Usually it was death that caused this -how to say it- upheaval of self. However this Cat and Bug team had been incredibly close and fit perfectly into the ying yang form their miraculouses placed them into. 

This would practically rip both of them in half.

Adrien curled into a ball, clutching his stomach as he screamed silently.

 

He would not lose another Kit.

 

Plagg set to work.

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oof.
> 
> Sorry it's so unbearably long haha, I just couldn't figure out how to split it and still have it flow how I wanted it to


	7. Coincidence

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Choices are made and promises broken.  
> Also, Chloe.

This was awkward, to say the least.

Marinette was sat in her therapist's waiting room, hands clasped and legs crossed gracefully. A normal Saturday night for her, except for one thing.

Chloe Bourgeois was sitting opposite her, staring into her soul with a scowl that could curdle milk.

Marinette was surprised to see that her blonde hair had been tied into an extremely messy bun (more of a ponytail really) and her clothes were rumpled. Chloe's blue eyes were lined with so much red, she could say with absolute confidence that she had been crying. And recently at that.  
But Chloe was scowling at her with as strong a hate as ever, so Marinette found it a bit hard to believe.

However, she also found that while Chloe had been horrible to her, she was sitting in a trauma therapist's waiting room with barely restrained tears and a quivering bottom lip.  
And it had been years since she last saw Chloe, 4 in fact. On the last day of high school, Chloe had stared at her, and smiled.  
So Marinette returned that favour.

Chloe blinked, shocked, and furrowed her brows with a purse of her lips.

"So-uh Chloe. How have you been these past few years?" Marinette cringed at the glare she was sent, but reinforced her reassuring smile. She couldn't help thinking how _nice_ it was to talk succinctly and freely in her native language again!

She almost ran way through the door like but, after consideration, she didn't. This was the right thing to do goddamnit, and she sure as hell was going to do it.

"Well Dupain-Cheng, I'm in a fucking therapist's office and I look like I've been ran over by my neighbour's cat. How the fuck do you think I've been doing?" Chloe bit out every word, and finished it with a toss of her head that was so intrinsically _Chloe_ , Marinette giggled. 

"Whats so funny now Dupain-Cheng?" One of Chloe's eyes popped open to stare at her, but she couldn't stop herself.

 

"Chloe-you-ohmygod," Marinette huffed out, bending over to clutch her stomach. _Oh jeeze._ "Chloe- you look like a fucking _show-pony_." Chloe hissed and tossed her head again, which only served to make Marinette laugh harder.

It was mean of her, yeah, but she hadn't laughed like this in so long, it felt like a huge weight had been lifted off her shoulders and she was filled with helium; ready to float away.

 

"Miss Dupain-Cheng? Doctor Penelope is ready to see you now." The cool voice of the receptionist greeted her, and Marinette grinned at Chloe. The latter just rolled her eyes and huffed.

When she reached the door though, she realised how cruel she had been. It wasn't anywhere near as bad as Chloe had treated her, but it was still rude of her to do so.

"Hey, sorry Chloe -that was mean." Marinette gave her a final, warm smile and stepped into her therapist's office. Leaving the young woman waiting outside to wonder where the actual hell that had came from.

 

* * *

 

 

Chloe wasn't there when she came out of the therapist's office, and she wasn't there when she came the next Saturday, or the Saturday after that. 

But one day, 4 weeks after she had first seen Chloe again and 2 years to the day since she had left Paris, the 20 year-old sat with curled black hair that gleamed blue due to her new beautiful highlights, a pair of accidentally ripped jeans and a hot coffee in hand as she stared in astonishment at the woman across from her.

It was Chloe but-well, a happy Chloe. This version of her seemed as happy and composed as the other had been depressed and dishevelled. 

Chloe looked at her cautiously as she came through the door, before coming to stand before her. Marinette eyed her understated clothes and happy exterior with wide eyes and a raised brow.

"Hello Marinette." Her voice was cool, calm and every inch the composed princess she had been in her youth. _Ah, there she is._ "I was wondering if you would like to go for some coffee and uh-" Chloe coughed, as if even she couldn't believe she was saying this. "catch up?"

Mon dieu. She had thought she had finally escaped her past and left it all behind. And yet, here stood Chloe, smiling at her in an almost grimace and offering her an olive branch while looking scared that she would just bite her hand off all together.

But then...

Chloe was also different; grown older but also wiser; as Marinette had. And when she looked at Chloe, she didn't see the face of Queen Wasp or Antibug, or even her childhood bully and rival. It was so different to how it had been with Alya and Nino and, eventually, Adrien. With Alya and Nino, the faces or her friends and fellow superheroes had been obscured by the faces of their akuatizations. The Bubbler had been so like Nino in every way, it had taken time to be able to listen to his voice over the phone- so distorted and robotic- without hearing _him_.

And Lady Wifi. She had been one of the first akumas ever to get within 10 seconds of stealing her miraculous. That day when she had been forced to fight her best friend had been terrifying.

Adrien was another thing entirely. That lithe and powerful body, shielded in mist. Those green eyes and silver mask had been the only warning anyone got before their world fell from beneath their feet.

Of course Chloe was the only one who didn't bring flashbacks of violence to her mind.

No, instead whenever she looked at Chloe, all she could remember was evenings spent looking at the stars with a superheroine clad in gold and stripes of ebony, hours spent training together and teaching each other. When she looked at Chloe, all she could see was one of her best friends: Queen Bee.

 

And she found that, for once, remembering that part of her Parisian life didn't hurt. Not even a slight sting. 

Pun unintended. Marinette restrained a wince. Chat's effect on her still hadn't faded. She was worried that it never would.

 

So she stood up and pushed her hand out to Chloe and said, "I would love to."

She made that beautifully small smile she was rewarded with into a wall around her heart, and blocked all thoughts of Chat Noir out. 

Permanently.

 

The next fake smile that rose to her lips was slightly lighter, just a little bit less forced.

 

 

* * *

 

 

Marinette slurped her milkshake like her life depended on it. It didn't, but it pissed Chloe off so it might as well have.

She could easily remember how angry Queen Bee would get, and so easily too. Just a barely noticeable pun from Chat or an akuma that took a few minutes longer than usual would set her off.

It had always been hilarious before; they had assumed she was merely irritated. But now, it seemed more important than just irritation. Bee- _Chloe_ had always taken the small things to heart and now that they had became slightly more civil over mutual pining for sugar, Marinette wondered if it was because she was worried that it was all going to be taken away from her with a blink of her eyes. Maybe it was because Chloe had been chosen to be a superhero for her own merits and not her father's, or maybe it was something else. Either way, it was the first time Queen Bee and Chloe had ever really merged for Marinette despite her choosing her. 

She just acted so differently as Bee, so much more free but also more responsible. When she was Bee, no one and nothing controlled her other than herself. The same could not be said for her civilian identity.

She slurped her heavenly strawberry milkshake again.

 

Marinette liked this Chloe, and wouldn't mind having her familiar face around.

Even more though, she wanted someone she could talk to about _everything._

Mind set, she set down her milkshake and rested her piercing eyes on Chloe. "Hey Chlo?"

The composed young businesswoman coughed and spluttered on her latte. Marinette just chuckled and gave her a pat on the back.

"Ye-Yeah?"

"Why did you hate me?"

Chloe's mouth dropped open. "I-I didn't!" Marinette raised a brow, glancing around the busy café dramatically as if looking for the truth. Chloe winced. "Okay so I did. But you were just so easy to hate!" _Wow._ Chloe's eyes widened as she realised what she said, and put her hands up placatingly. That's lovely to hear from someone who was her best friend for _3 years_ until Marinette moved away. Okay so Chloe doesn't know that but still.

"It's just-" Chloe sighs. She looks down at the table despairingly. For a second Marinette regrets even speaking in the first place.

"Marinette, you are just so perfect. You were always so charming and lovable and kind. You are everything I wasn't- has never been, really. And what's more, you have parents that adore you no matter what, and everywhere you go people love you." She looks up, eyes impossibly sad and voice breaking. "I never had that. My parents loved me if I did well and tolerated me if I didn't. It took way too long to realise that I shouldn't be pushing that hate -that utter fear of failure onto others."

Her words were heartfelt and her voice soft when Chloe Bourgeouis looked into her childhood rival's eyes and said the two words Marinette had never expected to hear.

"I'm sorry."

 

A new layer forms in the identity of the close friend that rests in her heart. Queen Bee-and maybe even Chloe. And if she was here with a permanent therapist, then that meant she too had given up her miraculous. With a fingers splayed over her mouth, Marinette realised that despite her hopeful yet doubtful earlier thought; she really could have someone to talk to about everything.

There could be someone who knew her in her entirety. 

And, as she noted the dark smudges under Chloe's eyes and the tension in her shoulders, Marinette wondered if Chloe might need that too.

 

The youthful designer placed her hand on the young businesswoman's arm.

 "It's okay. It's not your fault."

Chloe shook her head sadly. "It is." Marinette tilted her head consideringly.

"Okay." She said. "Then we'll work through that."

 

Chloe blinked, before hiding a grateful smile behind her mug. Needless to say, Marinette saw it. 

"And-urm- can you not call me Chlo?" The blonde's arm shook beneath her fingers, so she retracted her hand slowly. Marinette gave her a warm smile.

 

"We can work through that too -that is, if you want to."

When she received a small, shy nod, Marinette grinned.

This would be okay. This could work.

Especially if she introduced Chloe to her friends; they would love her. Teach her and scold her for sure, but love her.

 Chloe is-had been horrible before. But there was always two sides to every story, and reasons for every action.

 Her friends would accept that.

 

She took a long sip of her milkshake. "So, do you want to go shopping?"

 

 

* * *

 

 

They were at their third shop when Chloe brought up the topic she was dreading most. 

"So, have you been keeping in touch with what's been going on back home?" Marinette winced and shook her head.

Chloe's eyes widened comically. "The news?" 

She shook her head again.

"Your friends?" Her shoulders drooped.

Chloe gaped. So this was not going well. Well, it was- they had just got onto uncomfortable topics pretty fast. Faster than she had been prepared for at least. She gave her a shaky smile. The blonde raised a brow, before shutting her mouth and cocking her hip.  _Oh. There's the Queen Bee I knew._ "Alright, so what gives?"

"Uh-what?", she says eloquently. 

"What gives?"

 

"So your life is going amazingly well; good friends, great parents and a shining future planned out for you, yet you decide to come out here where you have no one except for the brother of a classmate that you were barely friends with, and that brother isn't even permanently here, so I ask you again. What gives?"

She searches for a response, but is left open mouthed like a fish. Damn her. She had forgotten just how perceptive Chloe was. She may not have acted kindly upon her observations in school, but she still noticed a hell of a lot. "Well-I-uh", she spluttered.

Chloe hummed disbelievingly. "Yes, so you say." Marinette frowns, brows bunching as she refuses to cry. Chloe's gaze softens. "I heard about your injury you know, it was after a lot of the worst of the arguments with Adrien, of course, but I still heard about it. You are very loved, Marinette Dupain-Cheng, and would be stupid to think otherwise. I think I would've heard about it from the opposite end of the earth." Marinette nods slowly. "But I do not think that is why you left, at least not the full reason."

 

" _Were_."

"What?" Chloe asked, eyes narrowing into deadly slits. Marinette squirmed uncomfortably.

"I think you mean were."

"Marinette Dupain-Cheng," Chloe said,"I have seen you be taunted and chased and shot at by twenty foot tall robots, and not once did you run. I do not think a near-death experience would have made you run away from the people you love most. That's not to say I would blame you if you did, I sa- I heard it was very close, and terrifying." Marinette cringed. Queen Bee had seen her; she had been taken to a hospital but the golden hero had seen her for a brief moment. She had been covered in her own blood then. 

As she stared into those too-familiar eyes she could feel its slime crawling down her skin.

 

She forced her eyes away, to stare vacantly at the clothes in front of her. They sparkled and shone under the florescent lights, as blinding as the glare from the hospital lights had been when she woke up. Reaching inside herself, she tugged at the part of herself that loved and knew fashion. She reached out and touched the beautiful garments, sighing as the reassuring smoothness of silk slid against her fingers. A quiet music drifted through the shop, and Marinette focused on it as she calmed herself down from her panic. 

The tentacles of her fear receded slowly, and the quiet buzzing of the world resumed.

 

Glancing up at Chloe, a shock went through her as she saw the clear concern painted on her face. It was so familiar, and held such a promise of home, of _family_. Remembering her place suddenly, she straightened her spine and gave her a small but real smile. Chloe nods, and continues to flick through the dresses as if nothing had happened. A blanket of relief settles over her. _That was a close one._ But the therapist sessions were clearly helping, as were the new calming techniques. It had seemed so stupid when Dr. Penn had first suggested it, not because it was a bad idea, but because it was so obvious she felt stupid for not thinking of it.

They had been trying to find a calming method for her, and her doctor had just asked what she enjoyed, what she linked closely to tranquility. Marinette, of course, said fashion. And that was that.

Clearly Luka had been right when he encouraged her to go to a therapist. When the days where she didn't function- _couldn't_ function had stretched into weeks, he had suggested therapy _._ And after months of hard work and stitching herself back together, Marinette had felt that gaping hole in her chest start to heal over. She just had to remember that sometimes on even the most beautiful masterpieces, the seams rip. She has to remember that it didn't make her weak if she was sometimes too tired to try again. It didn't make her weak.

After picking out a few formal dresses each, they begin to stroll to the changing rooms. "Hey, I'm sorry Marinette." The soft voice blended easily into the background noise, and she knew no one other than her would be able to hear it. Marinette almost smiled. Chloe was offering her the luxury of not having to reply.

"Its okay. No more apologies between us Chloe." She saw her nod out of the corner of her eye.

"Right. Now we are allies in this crazy world." Marinette rolled her eyes. So maybe Chloe hadn't lost all of that military seriousness, but she couldn't honestly say it was a bad thing. This version of her was becoming more likeable by the second.

"No, Chloe." She almost laughed at the dejected sigh that Chloe let out, before she hid it with a cough.

"Yes-of course we only just saw each other agai-"

"No, now we are _friends_." she said firmly.

Chloe's face lit up in a joyous smile. _Mon Dieu. She's fucking adorable._ For once, the businesswoman didn't try and subdue it. Marinette shook her head disbelievingly and stepped into the changing booth. She sent a wink at the blonde and closed the curtain slowly.

She was rewarded with a bright, tinkling laugh.

Chuckling softly, Marinette hung up her chosen dresses and picked her first one. It was a pretty, shimmering pink and was embellished with swirls of small beads around the sweetheart neckline. She slid on the dress carefully.

She span around in front of the mirror. The skirt of it flared out slightly in a river of light before settling back into pleats. It accentuated her small waist and, with some heels, it would make her legs look heavenly. But there was something off about it. It really was cute, adorable even, but it didn't fit with her. It didn't fit with the woman who had put on those eagle combs the first time she had ever stepped out into her new world. 

It was a dress for the strong, yet soft girl she had been. She was not gentle anymore. Now she had shed her white feathers and risen up in flames, and she wanted her clothes to reflect that.

She gave herself a small smile, and removed it slowly as if it were glass.

 

Then she put on the next dress. If it could even be called a dress. It was more of a work of art.

It was composed of two slides of fabric that joined around her neck by a thin silver chain before flowing down to become just below her breasts, making a deep V-neck neckline that displayed her curves. Stars glimmered in the diamonds that clustered on the eternal black clinging to her waist, and shone as bright as winter's night as they fell down the train that pooling around her feet. Marinette gave a wicked smile and lifted her dress gracefully so she could look at her back. Cold air nipped at her bare skin, but it was worth it. Silver chains draped over her back in sinful curves, looping and crossing the slope of her with dozens of strands of silver starlight.  _So damn worth it._

 

She'd never worn something so seductive before; she had never really felt comfortable enough to. It wasn't that she was insecure per se, it was just that clothes this daring and seducing took another brand of confidence. 

 If she could name her look for a runway right now, she'd call it _Death's kiss._

She wasn't entirely sure how to feel about that. Nevertheless, the designer in her was screaming in delight. 

She hummed.  _This look n_ _eeds something else._ Marinette tilted her head. It's missing something, but she couldn't figure out what. There was an answer niggling at her, she knew, so she instead looked at herself as she would one of her models. Oh. Of course. The makeup she couldn't do anything about, but the hair... 

Marinette loosened her bun and let her hair fall down around her shoulders in messy waves. Carding fingers through the knots absently, she ran her eyes down her figure once more. With no small amount of pleasure, she realised that she looked absolutely knock-dead _gorgeous_. After sliding her feet into a pair of stilettos that were probably a _very_ bad idea, she half-wobbled out to show Chloe. 

When she made her way past the curtain, she found her wearing a metallic gold dress, a diamond necklace and a proud smile. She whistled as she ran her eyes down Marinette's figure. Marinette almost blushed but forced her attention into maintaining upright. If she didn't know better, Marinette would say that Chloe looked _proud_.

"Dupain-Cheng, you look like a motherfucking _dragon_." The dragon herself laughed and gave a little spin. She made a point to check Chloe out in the exact same manner.

"Not too bad yourself darling," Marinette purred out, her voice one of a previously unknown seductress. Her new friend laughed, and fluttered her eyelashes teasingly. "Now. You've seen how stunning I am, get your lil butt back into your changing room and try on all those sexy dresses before someone steals them from you."

Chloe squeaked, and ran off like her feet were on fire. Laughing, Marinette shook her head. She had never seen someone run that fast before. It was kind of impressive actually.

The young woman tossed her head, and glanced back to the mirror. Her hands went to cross over her chest subconsciously but she stopped them. She knew it would ruin the effect. 

She wasn't whole yet. Not fully herself again, or herself as she had been before. All those years ago. And this dress was only a material thing that she would probably never even wear but...

She was healing. She was trying. And this showstopper of a dress made her feel closer to who she was meant to be.

Surely she could allow herself this? 

Yes. She deserved this.

Marinette did a little dance, wiggling her butt like an excited little kitten for the world to see and went and got changed.

And when she came out, she bought the dress.

 

 

* * *

 

 

 When they had finished, they each put on a brand new dress and went for dinner. Marinette was content; it was like they were going on an adventure and was enough to satisfy her restlessness.

Even Chloe seemed happy. Or happi _er_ at least.

 

She cleared her throat, and Marinette looked up from her menu. 

"Look, I know you don't want to talk about it, but my doctor said that- well its best to talk with friends as well. She said that sometimes, the more you share your past, the further it feels from you; the less it stings." Marinette stiffened. "And-well, I guess I want you to share with me?"

"Or to feel comfortable with sharing with me at least!" Chloe hastened to say. Marinette cleared her throat, rallying her strength like a cresting wave but the waiter arrived. Chloe rattled off their orders it was like she was speaking a foreign language. For all she knew, Chloe was.

 

Chloe drooped as soon as the waiter left. "Sorry, I'm sorry. I'm new to this friend thing I guess. Before it was mainly people I talked to but not really shared with, y'know?" Marinette shook her head. In contempt or sadness she wasn't sure. Her emotions were messy right now. 

 "Chloe..." Was she really going to tell her? Right now? "The attack that day wasn't real."

The blonde spluttered for a response, finally landing on an angered, "What?"

Marinette rubbed her brow with her forefingers. "No it was it just- didn't happen like that. I wasn't attacked by Vanisher-not directly at least."

Chloe's brows furrowed as she pouted that familiar look of confusion. "Then how did you end up on that rooftop? Did an akuma… _kidnap you?"_

"No."

"Were you trying to hide?"

Marinette hesitated. But she hadn't been hiding, not truly. "No."

"Then _how_?" Marinette could almost see it, the magic lulling Chloe's suspicions to sleep. The threads of magic had always had trouble hiding their vibrance from Creation's might, and so far from Paris and the power source that was the miraculouses, the deception that hid them was weak. Even with the factor that she wasn't the bearer of Creation anymore. Hadn't been for 2 years.  

The magic of the miraculouses had always adored her. Marinette wasn't entirely sure why. All she knew was that whenever she was near a source of that magic that thrummed through the universe she could feel the soothing tendrils of pure power caress her, hear it whisper in her ear the secrets of the world. Maybe it was because she had taken on the mantle of Ladybug with selfless intentions, or maybe it was because -even before that fateful day where she found that box- creation had tickled at her fingertips and played melodies through her soul.

Maybe her love for fashion had been a magic of it's own.

She wasn't sure, but what she did know was that the drifting force was tugging at her again, singing to her from across the sea. 

Idly, Marinette wondered if Chloe could hear it too. Wondered if -with Chloe's own ties to that magic- she could feel it as it silenced her wandering thoughts.

 

She could see what could happen then. A lie spun, a few fake tears shed and Chloe's suspicions would be swept under the rug. And she would go on with her life, content, happy even. But one day she would pass on. And no one would know the full truth of who she was. Only a Master in a country across the sea, who would outlive her anyway, who would have a life as long as the animal which he represented.

 

It wasn't a future she wanted.

So she decided against it. 

"I am going to tell you something that I've never told anyone." Chloe nodded, and her expression turned serious. Marinette found it reflected on her own. How was she meant to start this? Its not like this was something she'd ever had to do before _._ The ex-heroine sighed.

"Once upon a time, there was a young girl. She was insecure and scared, and when she was given the opportunity to be someone heroic, to make a _difference_ , she turned it down. She tried, she tried _so hard._ But she was frightened and too unsure in herself to be the person they wanted her to be. Too unbalanced to be the hero her city needed her to be."

A terrible, devastating expression was making it's way onto Chloe's face. Because she knew this story- her _friend's_ story, knew it like her own soul. But it wasn't Marinette who had told her it. It had been a beautiful woman opening her heart to her on a winter rooftop, a woman who bore the same starlit eyes and silvery laugh, with identical twilight hair and reckless smile. Though her face had been embraced with the mystery of a spotted mask, they had the same curve of the jaw and defiant raise of her chin. But it hadn't been Marinette. _Or had it?_

Marinette could feel the magic receding, could sense it as it weaved through her heart and intentions, and released Chloe's mind. There was a purring of power in the recesses of her mind and it was gone. 

No. Not gone. Just... allowing her to make this choice as herself. As _Marinette_.

 

"She gave it away. She pushed away the power and gave it to the one who she trusted most to care for it as she could have done. _Should_ have done. There was a moment where she regretted it. A split second where she missed it. But she believed it to be better off with someone who wanted to be a hero, better with someone who raged and burned like wildfire instead of the quiet starlight she emitted. At that moment, she didn't understand that it was okay to be different, that it was better to grow your own power." Marinette stumbled in her speech, words stopping their flow.

She had almost forgotten what time she was speaking of.

She had begun to speak of her decisions 2 years ago, instead of those almost 6 years before. She closed her eyes, and forced herself to untangle those threads that had been dragging her down again. 

When she opened her eyes, Chloe nodded to her, as if to signal to carry on. That gesture told Marinette that her viper mind had already figured out what she was trying to tell her -or at least the gist of it.

 

"But she didn't fight to get it back. Until a devastating force stopped her friend from using the power she had bestowed upon her and prevented her from even realising she had it. Her friend was trapped, a great power unknown to her, and she was going to die. The car was right there," Marinette's eyes stung. "her friend's air was running out and the young girl decided that it was worth it. It was worth the burden of the magic and strength if it would save her loved ones. So she took out that box and released the spirit that had been trapped for so long, far too long." She met Chloe's eyes, and found only coldness. But the upward twitch of her lips spurred Marinette on.

"And she transformed."

 

Chloe's eyes flickered with unknown emotion. "Stand up Marinette Dupain-Cheng.", she said in the voice of someone who knew their worth. And knew that it was higher than yours. Marinette obeyed with a nervous frown. 

Chloe stood up too and stepped around the table towards her. She flinched back at the harshness in her eyes, but stood her ground.

 

"Ladybug?" Oh God. That name. That gods-damned name. Spoken by her team mate. For it was the harsh justice of Queen Bee interrogating a guilty Ladybug right now in the bustling chaos of a New York restaurant. A Ladybug that hadn't revaled her plan to her teammates and so they were forced to go in blind. A tear slipped down Marinette's cheek.

 

But she rallied her strength once more, and strong willpower filled her voice. "Yes, that was... that was my name."

Chloe's harshness melted into the adoration and love she had been gifted all those years ago. The sight of that easy care sent a gasp flying from her lips.

 

"Oh." A manicured hand came to rest on each of Marinette's tense shoulders. "You're _alive_."

And she was once again reminded of the Queen's strength, emotional and physical both, as she was tugged into a bone crushing hug. There was sorrow in it, and guilt welled in Marinette's heart, but there was also happiness, and love and relief so profound that Marinette looped her arms around her friend's waist and embraced her in return with equal force.

 

And as her heart filled with love and joy and the relief of reuniting, that gaping hole grew a little smaller, at little less bottomless as she whispered a muffled reply onto her friend's shoulder. 

 

"I'm here, Queenie. I'm here."

 


End file.
